Communication between two people from different cultures can be difficult if you are not aware of the differences that separate you. The first step to success is therefore the real awareness of our cultural imprints and preconceived ideas that influencent our way of perceiving, interpreting and evaluating what others say and do.
Once this first step has been taken, here are some tips that can help you:
Be empathetic! – try to put yourself in the shoes of a foreign teenager who is far from everything he or she has known since birth and the actions that annoy or frustrate you will take on a whole new dimension.
Learn to change your perspective – since cultural differences even exist in our perception, it takes effort to see the facts from the perspective of a stranger who has assimilated different rules of conduct in their culture of origin.
Ask the student to put you in context – if you can’t see a situation from the youth’s point of view, just ask them to explain it to you! “I’m not sure I understand your perspective, can you explain it to me more?
Be open-minded – you can always choose to approach a new situation with an open or closed mind. Openness is normally the best attitude to adopt in order to avoid making the other defensive and to speed up the resolution.
Don’t accumulate frustrations – so often family changes are the result of small problems that have not been discussed and resolved early enough and have reached the point of no return.
Use open-ended questions – when it comes to solving a communication problem, it is best not to use questions that can be answered yes or no to avoid influencing the course of the discussion and encourage the youth to be open.
Don’t rush your judgments – it quickly becomes clear that others are ill-intentioned when they do something that is considered inappropriate in our culture. See the box below…
Do not apply the “law of insult”….
There is an unwritten law that exists in all cultures that goes like this: to insult someone, it is suffit to break a cultural norm. Since all members of the culture in question have assimilated these norms, when they break them it is a way of disrespecting each other.
The problem is that the foreign student does not know these standards at the beginning of the stay, and there are several that will escape him until fin We must therefore not rush judgments and see bad intentions where there are none! When you detect that there is something your child has not understood, simply explain the meaning of his or her behaviour in your culture.
The “Warning” technique
It was US Professor Elijah Lovejoy who first suggested that
“red codes” when confronted with a foreign culture. A red code is simply a reaction to another culture, a rigid judgment on the other. Instead of repressing these strong feelings, Lovejoy suggests using them as a warning that there are cultural differences to be discovered.
For example, you welcome a Brazilian student and your reaction, your code red, is to think “this young person is rude! ». You have to stop and ask yourself why you came to this conclusion:
- The initial reaction: “She’s rude! »
- What exactly did she do? – She doesn’t respect our rules!
- What regulations? – She never gets home on time!
Ah! That’s the real problem! The concept of “arriving on time” is not the same in Brazil and Canada. Here, the exact time is important, while in Brazil, the times are approximate, with people often arriving up to one hour after the appointment time: but they are not “late”, since they know that the time was approximate! The young Brazilian was not disrespectful, because she didn’t do it on purpose to be late. In fact, she didn’t believe that the arrival time was so rigid in Canadian culture!
Prejudice is often a barrier to good communication. These prejudices often result from the fact that we use our cultural references to judge the behaviour of people from another culture. If we can learn to view these subjective reactions as warning signals or warnings, we can improve communication and understanding between peoples. Let’s look at some examples.
1. Negative” warnings
The warnings that come to us most often are those that instinctively provoke a negative assessment of the behaviour of people belonging to a culture.
1.1 “They are rude”
In the United States, it is common for a person to take out their cigarette pack and light one without offering it. A French visitor to the United States might consider this attitude very rude. In many countries, it is unthinkable that a person would light a cigarette without first offering it to other members of the group. “Smoking a cigarette without offering it” can be interpreted as a deliberate act of rudeness or hostility.
Some questions can be considered insolent: a Moroccan living in France can be offended when his colleagues at work ask about his wife’s health. In France, this type of question is a polite way to engage in conversation, but a Moroccan may consider this very personal subject.
One day, an Ethiopian woman visiting Canada went swimming with friends. She was upset and offended when someone asked her, “What is your secret for staying so thin? “» . For a Canadian woman, such a question is considered a compliment, but for this Ethiopian woman, being plump is very attractive. So she thought the person was trying to make fun of her.
1.2 “They are unclean”
Most cultures attach great importance to cleanliness. However, each of them has its own définition of cleanliness and uncleanliness. The Japanese may think that North Americans are dirty because they bathe, wash and rinse in the same water, although they would never wash their clothes and dishes that way! The Japanese, on the other hand, use different water for each step of the bath.
Although Americans believe that it is very rude to spit and blow your nose on the street, people from different cultures may consider it very unclean to blow their nose with a small piece of cloth (handkerchief) that you keep in your pocket and reuse if necessary.
1.3 “They’re stupid”
Japanese people staying in France may be surprised to find that, in many stores, you have to wait in line to get any product, and once again wait in line to pay for it. Unaccustomed to such a system, they can immediately have this reaction: “They are stupid! “» . Such a reaction puts fin at all réflexion. However, if you go to réfléchit, this system can simply be a security tool. If only the employer receives the money, there is no risk of employees acting dishonestly or making costly mistakes.
Swedes who were staying in France discovered one evening when they went to the cinema that a placier was in charge of driving them to their headquarters and that he expected to receive a tip in exchange. This simple habit has caused strong emotional reactions in the Swedes:
“What a stupid idea! I’m able to find my place! “The French, of course, give little or no importance to this custom. Tipping is part of the cost of film. The service offered may seem useless, but it is a tradition.
Other examples of remarks that may be interpreted as prejudices or negative warnings
There are many reactions that should be considered as signals and encourage the visitor to “think about the differences between different cultures”. Each of the following warnings could constitute the subject of a complete chapter.
“I can only accept that… »
“They’re cold! »
“It’s incredible! »
“They’re condescending! »
“They’re real children”
“That’s disgusting! »
“It makes me furious! »
“They are offensive! »
“This is ridiculous! »
“They’re antipathic! »
“They’re unpredictable! »
“They’re not as advanced as we are”
“We can’t make them confiance! »
“Why don’t they act like us? »
2. Positive” warnings
Most warnings are negative in nature and do not constitute pleasant reactions. However, some situations have a positive and more pleasant aspect than they really are. This is a positive or positive bias. Again, this is due to a different cultural interpretation. Positive warnings can be very risky, as the visitor can expect certain things that, if not realized, can deeply disappoint him.
2.1 “They are so friendly”
People who visit the United States are often pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome they receive during the first few days after their arrival. The United States welcomes them with large smiles, and they are invited to dine or stay with families. Depending on their culture, visitors may interpret these attitudes as follows: “We will become very good friends, and we will see each other often. They could be bitterly disappointed. The same families who seemed to want to grant their friendship seem, after about a week, to lose interest in their foreign visitors. In the United States, friendships seem easy to create and quickly reach a degree of intimacy that would, for example, take much longer to reach in many European countries. However, it also appears that these friendships are less enduring in the United States and that the values associated with them are lower than in other countries.
“Stop by and come and see us” is a very often used American expression and usually does not have any serious intention of realization. It should therefore not be taken literally. In fact, the visitor who takes this invitation at its word and stops by without warning will surprise his American hosts a lot.
2.2 “We will become very good friends”
A Dutch woman living in Paris had an unpleasant experience following a misunderstanding about the degree of intimacy of a friendly relationship. She loved talking with a French friend and one evening she invited him to dinner at her house. For her, her gesture only goes to signifiait: “We’re going to have dinner together” and nothing more.
His friend, for his part, had interpreted his gesture as a sexual advance. He realized his mistake during dinner. He got up and said, “You don’t think I’m going to cross the whole city just for dinner, do you? “and he walked away slamming the door.
2.3 “They are so generous”
You may be enchanted by the generosity of your hosts, but according to the cultural norms of your host country, you may be incurring a debt or accepting an obligation that you did not expect.
Often the rules of civility require your host to offer you different things, but the same rules require you to refuse them. If you admire a trinket in a Brazilian’s house, he may well offer it to you. A naive reaction like: “Oh, how generous you are! “would be too simple. You should think quickly about what you’re going to say. A person who found himself in this situation suggested this answer: “Oh, thank you for your great generosity! It’s a very beautiful music box and I’m very happy that you’re giving it to me, but it’s so much a part of the decor that I’d like to leave it here. I will consider it my own and this thought will make me happy, but I want my music box to stay on your table. »
3. Reciprocal” warnings
The third type of warning is caused by unexpected reactions of hosts to the visitor’s behaviour. When people in the host country get angry, surprised or laugh at the natural behaviour of the latter, it is possible that the visitor concerned has done something unusual according to the rules of the host culture. These reactions from hosts can be called “reciprocal warnings”.
3.1 “They are angry”
The headmaster of a foreign studies programme in England regularly asks his students: “Did anyone get angry with you this week? “Students sometimes relate situations where they have provoked someone’s anger and do a cultural analysis to try to understand why what they have done is inappropriate in England. Discussing these incidents often leads to a better understanding of the culture of origin and host culture.
A French woman working in California told the following story. She was driving on a multi-lane highway when she saw, behind her, a police car with lights on. She wondered what was going on, but kept moving forward. In France, police officers always put themselves at the level of the driver if they want him to stop. Since the police were staying behind, they didn’t do anything about it, they didn’t stop. It was only when the police turned on the siren that it parked on its side. She was very surprised that the policeman got angry with her. Later, when she thought about the incident, she realized that her behaviour, very normal under French rules, was not appropriate in California.
3.2 “They are surprised”
A man living in France opened an account in a French bank and simply asked the director what he should do if he issued an NSF cheque. The banker, very surprised, looked at him, paused, cleared his voice and said in a severe tone: “I sincerely hope that this will not happen. “Sometime later, the visitor learned that writing an NSF cheque is a much more serious act in France than in the United States and is considered an offence. The “They are surprised” warning was a clue that should have warned that the situation warranted analysis.
4. What to do after receiving a warning
The basic idea of “warnings” is that you can use your own reactions and those of others as warning signs and analyze their cultural signification You can think to cultural differences and contrary messages conveyed by similar actions at home or among people from other cultures. Sometimes it is possible to recognize these differences alone. However, it is preferable to talk to people from the host culture who have already lived abroad and have experienced the same problems.
Talking with other strangers can also help. By comparing the perspectives of people from three or four different cultures, you will realize that there are many different ways to approach the same situation.
One process that can help you understand your culture of origin and that of your host country is to find similarities between them as soon as you see warnings. For example, many Canadians travelling to Mexico are sometimes upset about having to bribe – to give a “mordida” – to certain people so that they receive an acceptable service. Canadians may believe in their moral superiority and condemn their hosts’ methods. In such a case, Canadians should réfléchir use the various methods available in their country to ensure that they get what they want. In Canada, it is rare to bribe someone, but many Canadians have no qualms about calling a friend who works in a company in which they want to get something or using a “relationship” to get a job, or hiring a friend to buy a device at a good price. Such methods for obtaining certain privileges are common throughout Canada and the United States and may have the same rationale as “mordida” in other countries. Canadians who have looked for similarities between the two countries can improve their understanding of cultural differences.
If you do not consider these differences and interpret the behaviour of another person according to the rules of your own culture, you make mistakes sooner or later. To some extent, these errors are inevitable. When a person arrives in a country, he or she cannot know all its cultural characteristics, even if he or she has been very well informed about the host country. It is prudent to consider your own subjective reactions as warning signs, or “warnings”, afin to avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings between the people you are hosting and the guests.
